Zimbabwe's Social Network

A couple walked into a tourist shop in
mbare. The rastaman said to them, I have
some special sandals I think you would be
interested in. "Dey make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying
the sandals after what the man claimed, but her
husband felt he really didn't need them,being the
sex God he was.
The husband asked the man, "How could
sandals make you into a sex freak?" The
rastaman replied, "Just try dem on maan." So,
the husband, after some badgering from his wife,
finally gave in, and tried them on. As
soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got
this wild look in his eyes, something his wife
hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an
eye, the husband grabbed the rastaman, bent
him over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped
down his own pants, and grabbed a
firm hold of the rastaman's hips.
The rastaman then began screaming,
"chimbomirai... mapfeka banana..mapfeka
banana kani!!"

Jim, Dave and Eric die and arrive at the gate, St Paul explains to them: 'Heaven is a very big place and you need a car to get around. The car you get depends solely on how faithful you were to your spouse while you were alive' Jim was married for 15 years and cheated on his wife 3 times so he got a Citi Golf 1.4. Dave was married 20 years and cheated on his wife once so he got a Toyota Camry 2.4 VVTi. Eric was married for 50 years and never cheated on his wife so he got a BMW 745i. Jim and Dave were very envious of Eric! A couple of months later Jim and Dave see Eric sitting on the pavement crying... Dave asks: 'What's wrong buddy?' Eric replies: 'I just saw my wife' Jim asks: 'So why are you crying?' Eric says: 'She was on a bicycle!'

WEDDING TEST...

I was a very happy man. My wonderful
girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had
feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'I was
stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline
straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car and behold,my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car, because I was on my way to fetch them when I passed the test...